Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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