"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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