ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ketchup is God's man juice
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
