It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
