The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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