This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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