since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
