Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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