there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
