went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
