This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
