I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
