Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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