i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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