Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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