escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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