Your dad touched me again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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