You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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