my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
