Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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