I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
