dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
