I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
