fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
