The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
