I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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