All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
