I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yo dont text me then not text me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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