You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
