Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
