Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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