If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize