I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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