Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm getting married
To pizza
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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