Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
