no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
