Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
