I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
