she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
