K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
