Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
