he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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