Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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