my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
