Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't put those talents on a resume
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
