There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
