So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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