I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
