I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
