Christians are straight up FREAKS
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
