Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
