Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
