shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
