Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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