It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
