I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've blown a few things in my day
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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