Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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