Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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