look no pants
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
