when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
