"it" just moved
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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