Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
