Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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