atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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