wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
