I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
