two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
