I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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