Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
