took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my poor anus
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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