hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
