Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
