i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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