she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
