There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
