My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
