its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize