I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
