Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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