I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
