K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
