how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize