Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
