my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
