so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
