these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
