Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
