then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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