Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
