If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
