a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
