thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
