Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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