Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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