i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
