Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
