You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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