let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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