Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
