The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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